Chicks with Dicks!

[Excrucio walks gloomily through the streets of Astropolis at dawn.]

MUSICAL INTRODUCTION

EXCRUCIO
Why should it always be
My vulnerability
Lured into misery
By girls seen randomly?

Not only that (and it's
Enough to give me fits)
I like it better when
They take me like a man!

I'm certain that I
Don't want to kneel for some brawny guy
With a mustache
Or wearing leather and bondage chaps.

A woman who must
Satisfy her strange, unnatural lust
For my--you know--
With penetration. Away we go!

A MUSICAL INTERLUDE
[Lisa Strata tries on a garment at the Astrodult boutique, a novelty shop.]

LISA STRATA
I could feel sorry for
That poor Excrucio
Since after all was he
Gentle and kind to me.

Strange tendency, it's been
Chasing these girlish men
On top? Don't make me laugh
You can be on my staff!

I'm certain that I
Don't want to kneel for some brawny guy
With a mustache
Or wearing leather and bondage chaps

My unnatural lust,
If you must know--

CHORUS
We must!

LISA STRATA
Is ramming it in--
That sissified and winking thing!

CHORUS
Chicks with dicks! That's so TMI
But it's no big deal if he's the right guy.
There's more ways to the woods than one!
Diff'rent strokes make it that much more fun!

A MUSICAL INTERLUDE

EXCRUCIO
Could it be as a voyeur
Crazed with scopophilia
A girl who's packing a rod
And evokes a wicked sod

Has that much more to see:
Pluses and minuses we
Switch about liberally,
Strap one on lit'rally?

I'm not even gay,
But I sure know I'm made this way.
A ladies' man,
My twist is takin' it in the can.

It's okay so long
We leave those poor pronouns alone.
To me he and she
Exhaust the basic categories!

LISA STRATA
Can't we not condemn
Private ways folks have fun?
All the fuss is silly
Over who wears the willy.

CHORUS
Chicks with dicks! That's so TMI
But it's no big deal if he's the right guy.
There's more ways to the woods than one!
Diff'rent strokes make it that much more fun!

LISA STRATA
I'm not even gay,
But I sure know I'm made this way.
A lady-man,
My thing is wearing one if I can.

Bi- or trans- or gay
Don't we all transition, anyway,
From there to here?
I like my fellas a little queer!